roots, wings, roots
...and the more mobile we become the less sense we have of being sensually enmashed with our world and interdependant with/ responsible for others- Robyn Davidson
i dont think that anything is a coincidence. Robert Ferguson said that if we believe in God's divine plan for our lives-that he has his hand on everything- than coincidences are simply glimpses of His hand on our life. I think God places people and opportunities in our paths at exactly the right moment in time and we don't always see why things are happening in that particular order or why this person was placed then, until we end up somewhere we never thought we would and see in retrospect how God got you there.
All this to say; i dont think it was a coincidence i ran into kaylee one day and heard she was going to study abroad at the school i was looking to attend for dance therapy. or that i randomly decided to join a flash mob performance at the opera house- little did i know at the time i was dancing beside the artistic director of a company i would later audition for. a few days ago i was getting anxious about this decision (i had underestimated your laziness on commenting.) that night i was assigned an article for a class about how America is raising up generations who are leaving and not coming back. college students are studying abroad, learning how to make the world a better place and not returning to practice in their own country. Even if we do stay in the states our idea of success is to have a house in LA, New York, and a vacation home in the keys. Higher education is producing career orientated people rather than people with an intimate knowledge of place. If we feel we are in an area temporarily we become tourists in our own town. we fail to grow roots, build community , and become ecologically illiterate. "sticking to your roots" has never been an idea that appealed to me, hence i went to college in florida and well now im in australia. i looked down on the people that never left home and thought they were quite "uncultured" . which could probably be true of those who have never left Irmo, SC. however! i see why this is a problem in the US. we have this idea in our heads that the more we move, and states we get to live in the better. but
the more you bounce around, the shallower your impact.
im not saying that if i chose to live in australia, i would be another victim to this mobility bug and not have an influence.
im saying that i think my roots are not full grown in West Palm. There is a community there that i intend on investing in until its done with me.
what i did not mention were the things falling into place for me back home. i dont think it was a coincidence that shortly before i left for australia i met a guy who started his own non profit for human trafficking. or that in the same week that i was accepted into Streaming Dance Theatre, i was offered an internship with Redeeming Shadows ( his non prof) and found a lovely place to live. it was not a coincidence that younglife girls that i hadn't heard from in a long while randomly messaged me to say they want to go to camp this summer and if we could hang out when i returned. Unless Justin bribed them.
call me crazy. you can even say i'm dumb for passing this opportunity up. trav you can kick my ass later. but I think that God put that article in front of me that night for a reason. one of my early blog entries is entitled roots and wings. it was about living in that liminal stage of life, and balancing out where you came from and where you could potentially go. it was about not forgetting what God redeemed you from while still living in the freedom of Christ.
what i didnt realize was that it was cyclical. roots. wings. roots. wings.
i also didnt realize what it would take to fly. ( so effing cheesy, its part of the metaphor just roll with it) Anyway God stripped me of so much upon coming here which sucked tail. now i can see it was just weighing down the flight. but dude. a birds gotta come back down to eat.
so needless to say, i'm coming home.
i would like to add that i really did underestimate the feedback on this subject and really do appreciate the support of those who encouraged me to stay here. i was just as reluctant to post this as the other, again out of cowardice. i felt i was letting some of you down. i have this huge fear of regret but it was subsided when i talked to Francois ( the producer) this week about my dilemma. he said he faced the same thing while touring london, people were giving him offers left and right but decided to stick with the company he originally came with. he told me that if i go ill be missed - and to know that i will always be welcomed back into the company ( with an audition of course) if i so choose. He encouraged me to still come to rehearsals until i leave so i can become more familiar with the dynamics of the company to see if this is something i would want. he said the only reason he is able to tell me this is bc he was my teacher first. I really am blessed to have that, most company owners are not nearly as gracious.
soo maybe when my roots are good and deep in the 561 i'll want to come to australia and be a professional dancer. who knows, what i do know is that if you plan, God laughs.
Frederick Buechner said that vocation is a place where your deepest gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.
is this true of your life?
