a bubble bath later...

My gas light came on and I thought, of course. I am always low. Always late, and flying by the seat of my pants. And then I remembered my best friends lost her job today. For unfair reasons. She owned up to something that was hardly her fault. Because she is who she is she’ll fess up to something just so people can move on even if she wasn’t responsible. I wanted to console her but I had nothing to give. Dry as a pipe.

I sat in a bubble bath, wine glass in hand full of consoling cabernet. I was too lazy to grab cheese so I figured cheesitz would work. I didn’t want to be needed tonight. I ignored the phone calls of people that I talked to about hanging out. Delayed my response to texts. Felt even more terrible for letting them down. I stared at my reflection in the water and wondered how I got here. I took off school, quit two jobs I loved, moved out of my house to tour for the Redeem the Shadows. Now I wasn’t even certain if tour was going to happen. All three of us on the east coast team were having doors shut right and left . completely discouraged about what was ahead.

And then God reminded me of Gideon, who was unfit for battle and called to fight an army that outnumbered his. But God went before him

And Then He reminded me of Joshua who conquered a city by following directions that he didn’t even understand. But obeyed because he knew they were from the Lord.

And in Samuel when Jonathan said to his armor bearer, “Come, let’s go to the outpost… PERHAPS the Lord will act on our behalf”

There was an uncertain confidence about his faith.

I know- am more than certain- that this is what God is calling me to. I am uncertain what this month will look like, where we will go, and how we will get there. But I am confident that if God wants us there, he will act on our behalf, He will go before us. He will not call us to a war where he will stand by as we fall. I think sometimes we are surprised when we actually have to fight. When we actually have to use the armor given to us. we spend our lives preparing for battle but then complain or freak out when we actually have to raise our sword and fight. And risk. We risk getting hurt, looking bad in front of others, losing our job, losing someone we love- we risk maybe failing. And then we remember his faithfulness. In our lives. In history. So we go.

I have a good friend who has a fruit for a nickname and also speaks in some type of accent 80% of the time. but offered truth when he said, " Tiff, remember that Jesus received the holy spirit, and THEN went into the desert for 40 days and was tempted. He went through hell before he set out to do what he needed on earth . maybe this is your desert" the enemy will do all that he can to prevent us from doing God's will. We can't always right off that as God shutting the doors

Im still staring at my bubbles at this point and grab the phone to call Brandon who is on the east coast team. He said, I think it’s very American of us to think we have to have our ducks in a row before we set out to do something. Let’s just go. Maybe those doors were shut because God did not want us to plan out every day.

I hung up relieved, revived- and ready to go.